It's sad

It's sad to read some of those older posts. Less than 6 months ago life threw me into chaos. 

It's funny in a weird way though... It's shows how life can go from a comfortable place, to dark chaos and then come out the other side into a bright happy place. 

Appreciate

Sometimes I think that I should delete all those unhappy posts...
But then that would be like trying to deny that those feelings weren't real at the time.
I don't feel like that anymore. And that is a great feeling.
But I don't ever want to forget the way I was... So I can better appreciate the way I am now.

Live Love Laugh

Falling asleep
With love in your soul.
Wake up singing
A beautiful song.
A smile on your face
And laughter in your heart.
Life is good
when love is so effortless.

I'm ok... Yay!

It's funny how when you least expect something... Something you weren't even really aware you were looking for... Finds you and changes your whole life. ❤

Sigh.

This life is a complicated mess.
I still don't know what I'm doing
Or where I'm going.
How do I move on?
Where do I go from here?
When when when
Will this get better?
When will I feel better?
Why is this happening?
Why is he doing this to me?
FUCK!
This is me
Alone and lonely.

Blah

I still have this overwhelming grief
Inside my heart and soul
Probably going to lose my job soon too
I can't focus on anything but my pain
All my decisions are wrong
All of my choices are epic fails
I don't want to be here
Or anywhere
This life is not mine

Unloved and unwanted
I feel like I don't belong anywhere

I'm struggling today

Today has been a struggle for me.
The thought of losing my husband has been unbearable. The rejection and pain is enormous. I don't know how to move on when I don't want to move on. I just want him to love me like he promised. I keep praying for death to take me. I can't stand the pain. I just want it to all be over. But I can't do it on my own. So ill just sit here and drink these beers. Hide myself under this alcohol. Wait until I pass out. And hope I don't wake up.